A hitchhiker on the hellmouth
by c-wolf
Summary: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Hitchhiker's Guide BBC Tv Show crossover


(I do not own Buffy or Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy. Also, it's possible that a few things might be spoilers for the Hitchhiker's movie in 2005, though they did announce some plot enhancements)

"Summers, Harris."

"Principal Snyder."

"You two and Miss Rosenburg are going to escort the kids on trick or treat night."

Xander looked around the shop as Buffy and the rest started grabbing costumes. Then he looked at a rack near the back door. Then he grinned.

When he got home, he took out the items and nodded. "Let's see..."

The result was a rather interesting assortment of clothes. Very few people could pull the color scheme off... and Xander was just goofy enough to do it. His last item, was a palm pilot he'd picked up at a garage sale. It looked just enough like the device from the tv show that Giles had let him watch for him to pull it off. It was a shock to discover that G-man knew about the television age as well as video tapes. He'd explained that they'd done reruns when the vcrs were available.

As Xander looked at it, he shrugged. Then he grinned. "Well, Willow will be surprised to find I can actually use something technical occasionally. Hmmm.... I do have to make it slightly real though..." He started using the stylus to write some things in.After which, he put a few things in the strange bag he'd picked up as well. He grinned when he saw that a towel, and a strange device with red and green lights was in there. Then he headed over to Buffy's

When Joyce opened up the door, she nearly laughed. "Xander, you're wearing tweed."

Xander smiled a half smile and spoke in a surprising likeness of a British accent. "It's just something I picked up." Then he got a confused look on his face. "Is Buffy around?"

Joyce shook her head. "Who are you supposed to be anyway?"

Xander smiled some more "Ah, excuse me." and stuck out his hand. "I am Ford Prefect."

- - - - - -

Ford blinked. What was he doing back in modern earth time? Last thing he remembered was discovering that the question to the answer 42 was 9 times 6. Then he and Arthur had walked away. Where was Arthur?

As he stood there, something roared nearby. Ford turned and saw a charging something. He stepped to the side while sticking his foot out. It tripped and hit the curb knocking itself out. "How clumsy of me. I do hope he's alright." Ford felt for a pulse, found it, and walked away.

As he did, the Guide beeped. He paused, and looked at it. "That's odd. I didn't make these entries."

"Vampire- Usually found on Earth. A demon infested corpse with a thirst for blood. Suntans and accidental stabbing via wooden stakes is a must. Annoying the breed Vampirucus-Soulucus is of some use."

"Well, earth gets more interesting every day. And why is this smaller than I remember..."

"XANDER!" yelled a red-haired person running toward him.

Ford looked around. "May I be of some assistance?"

"Xander?"

"My name is Ford Prefect, and I seem to be a little lost. Though I do know we are on earth."

Willow blinked. "What? Oh great, you turned into your costume too. The least you could have done was dress up as a soldier or something."

"Excuse me?"

"Though the tv show Giles let us watch occasionally had its good points.... You have to come with me Xan... Ford. Everyone is in trouble."

"From vampires?"

"How..."

"Well, an interesting entry was made in this..."

"Never mind. We need to find Buffy."

A confused Ford attempted to grab the red-heads shoulder, only to find that his hand passed right through.

"Well, that's definitely interesting."

"I dressed up as a ghost, and now I am one."

"Ah."

They found Buffy screaming as a car drove by. When she saw Ford and Willow, she leaped toward him. He suddenly found himself flat on his back, nursing a bruise on his head. The Guide beeped.

"Human race- Mostly harmless."

Buffy screamed and leaped away and toward Willow. She screamed again when she flew right through, and immediately fainted.

"Oh Dear."

Angel walked out of the shadows, and paused. Then he got bowled over by a screaming Cordelia and two angry creatures. Ford picked up a rock, and hit one of them a glancing blow on the head. It thought the other had done it, and they proceeded to fight. Angel, Cordelia, Ford, and the rest escaped.

Giles had been told by Willow before she went looking for Xander, what was happening. When she mentioned Ethans, he got positively angry and while she was gone started to head over there.

Ford meanwhile, had somehow managed to get separated from his new friends, and found himself confronted by a blonde spike haired man. With a ridged forhead and sharp teeth.

"Vampire I presume?"

Spike paused, "Where'd you get the accent?"

"I was born with it." Ford said. Then he felt a slight twinge. Thinking fast, he tossed the THUMB toward Spike after pressing a button. Confused, Spike caught it, then disappeared in a flash of light. The minions ran away, as Xander stood there with a shocked look on his face. He heard a beep and looked down.

"Chenras- from the planet Cheno. Notorious for being very territorial. They only pick up hitchhikers when they're in a bad mood."

Far away, a ship was going through space. On board it was a very harried Spike trying to run away from angry crew members. He had just discovered that the blood of a Chenra burns.


End file.
